By Rick Saruna, Founder and Clinical Director, Body & Mind Natural Health, Windsor, Ontario
Most couples wait far too long before getting help. By the time they call, the same argument has been running for months or years, the distance between them has grown, and one or both partners are wondering whether it can be fixed. The earlier you act, the easier it is to turn around. Here are the signs I see most often after more than 30 years and over 36,000 sessions.
Signs it is time for marriage or couples counselling
1. You keep having the same argument
Different day, same fight. When an argument repeats, it is almost never about the dishes or the money. It is about something underneath: feeling unappreciated, unheard, unsafe or alone.
2. You talk, but you do not feel heard
Conversations turn into debates about who is right. One person shuts down; the other gets louder. Nobody walks away feeling understood.
3. You are living like roommates
Schedules, kids and screens fill the space where connection used to be. You get along, but the warmth and closeness are gone.
4. Small things trigger big reactions
A comment or a look sets off a reaction that does not match the moment. That is usually old hurt, sometimes from long before the relationship, being touched again.
“When a reaction does not fit the situation, it’s not about the situation. It’s about the emotional accumulation in a person’s lifetime.”
— Rick Saruna
5. Trust has been damaged
Whether it was an affair, broken promises, money secrets or something said in anger, trust takes deliberate work to rebuild.
6. One of you has started to give up
When one partner stops arguing and goes quiet, it can feel like peace. Often it is the opposite: they have started to disconnect. This is the moment to act.
Three myths that keep couples from getting help
- “Counselling means our relationship is failing.” The couples who do best come early, before resentment hardens. Getting help is a sign you care enough to fix it.
- “The counsellor will take sides.” Our job is not to decide who is right. It is to help each of you be heard and to find what is really driving the conflict.
- “It’s too late for us.” As long as both of you are willing to show up, there is something to work with. Even when one partner is unsure, change often starts sooner than expected.
A typical example
A couple married eighteen years came in arguing about money every week. It looked like a budgeting problem. Within the first session it was clear it wasn’t. For him, spending felt like losing control, the way his family had lost everything when he was a boy. For her, his questions felt like being treated as a child. Once each of them understood what the other was really feeling, and we released the charge on those old fears, the money talks went from fights to plans.
(Details are changed and combined from many clients to protect privacy. This is a typical example, not one person.)
What makes counselling at Body & Mind different
We look for the root, not just the rules. Communication tips do not hold when the hurt underneath is still active. We don’t teach couples to cope with each other; we find the hurt and remove the emotional charge behind it. I listen past the words: tone, pauses, body language and what happens when certain topics come up. That shows where the real issue is.
Each partner is truly heard. Sessions are never rushed, a full hour and often more, so both of you get the time you need.
We release what keeps the fight going. Saruna’s Rapid Emotional Release and Empowerment, the process I developed, helps release the emotional charge behind old hurts without having to relive every detail. Separately, Thought Shifting changes the inner voice that assumes the worst about your partner.
Practical tools you use at home. You leave with specific ways to talk, listen and reconnect.
What you can do before you come see us
These can help temporarily. Lasting change comes when we find the root and remove the emotional charge.
Take turns for five minutes each. One person talks about one thing that’s been bothering them; the other only listens, then repeats back what they heard: “What I’m hearing is…”. No defending, no fixing. Then switch. It sounds simple. Most couples find it’s the first time in months they’ve felt heard, and often you’ll hear what’s really underneath the argument.
What if my partner will not come?
Start on your own. When one person changes how they respond, the whole pattern between two people changes. Many partners join later once they see the difference.
Frequently asked questions
Do you offer couples counselling in Windsor?
Yes, at 2303 Central Ave. in Windsor with free on-site parking, and online. We work with married and unmarried couples of all ages across Windsor and Essex County.
Is it confidential?
Yes. What you share stays private.
How long does couples counselling take?
It depends on what is going on, but because we work on the root, many couples notice a change within the first few sessions. We will give you an honest idea at your free evaluation.
Can we do sessions online?
Yes. Sessions are available in office or online, including evenings.
How do we start?
Book a free evaluation of 30 minutes or more. We take the time to listen to your situation and explain how we can help. Call 519-948-0078 or visit our couples counselling page.
Body & Mind Natural Health · 2303 Central Ave., Windsor, Ont. · Serving Windsor and all of Essex County · 519-948-0078
